Sunday, September 24, 2006

yummy.

This + Dove chocolate with almonds= 1 happy wifey

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

An Aran hat and a wish.


As soon as I get some batteries for the camera, there'll be pictures aplenty of all my recent knitting projects/WIP's. Until then, I'll leave you with this, from Fig and Plum
It's a Fishtrap Aran "swatchcap," a swatch for a sweater that's much more useful as a hat than just a plain square. I want one, exactly like this one, and alas, there is nothing similar in the stash. Once we actually have money coming in, the pent-up yarn-hunger that will be my Knit Picks order should keep them in business for the rest of 2006.

And speaking of money coming in, we may or may not be moving to Tulsa. Lyle has an interview this Friday with the district manager of Harbor Freight tools, and hopefully he's going to get the assistant manager job that Brian has been so great as to help him get. If this works out, we could accomplish several of our near-future goals, like moving away from Poteau, finally being comfortable financially, having the time/money to actually get out in the world and experience some culture rather than just watching culture on TV. And the job has really good benefits and advancement opportunities, so within a couple of years we should be able to accomplish some more long-term goals, like maybe a house, and a location farther north, and maybe a little Wifey or Lizzle to add to the mix. So everybody cross your fingers and wish really hard.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

you've got to make him express himself....hey, hey

I would love to be asleep right now, but any time I start to think about certain people, its pretty much a guarantee that I'll be tossing around for hours, having the kind of frank and cathartic conversations with them in my head that I'll never have in real life.
I tend to collect men. I have a lot of them, all special, talented, troublesome, and elusive. They come and go, pop in and out of my life at random. I've only ever found two that are always around--one is my dad, and I married the other.
There's one that makes me both angry and wistful every time I think about him. I still love the bastard, even after he's imposed this ridiculous schism between us that we'll probably never bridge. Of course I love him. He's positively wonderful. He's also scared, and stubborn, and completely entrenched in his proventialist philosophies about relationships. He is more than willing to think outside the box, but refuses to feel outside it. He's the best friend I'll never have, because he won't acknowledge, much less get over, his fear of women.
There's another one who, if it weren't for the tragedy of war, I would quite possibly be married to. But he's walled up inside a baracade, in another country, in world all his own. He's learned to hold his fire, but he retreats at the first threat of love. He's afraid of his own desires. He thinks he's far more violent than he actually is. It's hard to be with someone who has killed people. He's scary sometimes, not because he could hurt me, he would never, but because his inner life is so haunting. His eyes are full of the places he has been, and the things he has seen. I love him, but though he would kill for me, he doesn't love me. He's not afraid of dying, but he is afraid of love.
There are so many others, some I talk to all the time, and some I will never see again. Men are infinitely fascinating, each one is uniquely fucked up, but in a way, yes, they really are all the same. I think the patriarchy cuts both ways. While it serves men, I don't think it really benefits them any more than it does women. Every freedom and opportunity denied to women is a responsibility and a burden that men are saddled with. They carry so much emotional weight, imposed on them by a society that still isnt comfortable with female leadership, and yet they arent even allowed to express that emotion, especially not to other men. No wonder they die younger. No wonder they're so full of rage. No wonder they invent things like war and boxing and The Man Show and are so distrustful of everyone. In a world that upholds them as the great and powerful, they are so burdened with their inner lives that they are utterly powerless.
However, this does not let them off the hook. It doesn't have to be this way. None of us, male or female, has to accept this. People have a responsibility to be themselves, and they have a responsibility to the people around them to express themselves, so that said people have a clue wtf is going on in their heads. In order to get what you need, you have to let people know what you need. So boys, no more of these guessing games. No more copouts. No more falling for women, getting too close for comfort and then never calling again. No more being afraid to be friends with a woman just because she's a woman. No more not being a feminist just because you're a man. No more bitching about how hard it is to be a man, and then failing to help women fight against sexism because you fail to see that sexism affects you too. Actually think about how sexism affects you. Sit down and give it a good hard mulling over. It will do us both good.

Monday, September 04, 2006

Why I Knit

"For now she need not think about anybody. She could be herself. And that was what now, she often felt the need of--to think: well not even to think. To be silent; to be alone. All the being and the doing, expansive, glittering, vocal, evaporated...
Although she continued to knit, and sat upright, it was thus that she felt herself: and this self having shed its attachments was free for the strangest adventures."

Virginia Woolf, from To The Lighthouse, 1927